I got quiet again, and I don't have any fancy excuse for it. I've been working, and living, and working on living, and working on keeping myself writing in one way or another, and that one way isn't always on a blog. I still muse to myself, though, and talk to others in my life and maybe "write" a bit in my head, I just haven't made as much of an effort to get on here and put it out there. I will admit that a good part of that is just laziness - another part is simply that I had trouble motivating myself.
So here I am again.
The past few months have been relatively quiet as far as "living my life" goes - insofar as "quiet" can be called changing jobs to an almost ideal job, and then losing it due to financial situations brought on by the economy effecting small businesses only a few months later. I'm currently unemployed, searching for employment actively, and have been for a sometime over a month now. I also find myself feeling quite at peace with the whole situation. The "me" from a few months ago might have seen this as a strange way to feel, but that was me from a few months ago. That was me before these quiet last few months were decidedly UNquiet in terms of my spiritual life.
I feel joy.
I wanted to get back to church with my husband, and I wanted my mother to come with us. She's been going through her own personal trials with God and her own spirituality, though, and so I put the choice of church in her hands. I had gone through and explored the area and knew the setting that I needed, and though I found myself happy with the church we had found my mother still felt the need to explore. So we church hopped a bit, and eventually this did lead us back to the same church which I had (and still do) find so much life and comfort in.
Around this same time is when the financial situation at my place of work started to get shaky, and became increasingly stressful. I found myself in a situation where I had prayed for this position, and now had it...but was no longer sure if it was where I was meant to be, considering the trials and hardships that the people and business were involved in. I couldn't figure out what to do, and so for one of the first times in my life I found myself completely and unconditionally giving it up to God. I had put my trust in Him many times in the past, but this was the first time I truly found myself breaking down and praying with all my heart and soul for Him to just show me what to do and where to go. I found myself asking daily for Him to tell me, and I would do it. Show me, and I would go.
and He did
There was one morning on my drive to work where I was going through this ritual, and I honestly felt as though I heard a reply, telling me to read the bible daily. I'll admit I've never fully read through the entire book, and so with this answer I committed to it. I also felt that I was being pulled more to attend church weekly, rather than just when I or my family was feeling up to it. We'd been going rather regularly, albeit to different churches, but for the first time in my adult life I actually felt the need to attend regularly.
Fast forward through the explosively stressful situation that ended with my place of employment ultimately deciding that they could no longer afford to keep me on staff, and I find myself in a situation which some might find even more stressful - no job, and still loans to pay with a supply of savings that will, eventually, begin to dwindle.
I feel fine.
More than that. I feel as though I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and there is not a single fiber of my being that feels doubt in the plan that I'm sure God is leading me through. I have no idea where my path is currently leading - I can't even begin to imagine! - but I feel safe. I feel cared for, and watched over. I feel His presence and guidance, and His direction in how to spend the time that I have while also looking for new employment. In the past month I have felt more alive and full of His Holy Spirit than I can remember being for quite some time. I can feel His hand guiding me to spread it, and I have witnessed the spread of His love as He's guided me to do my part.
I feel hope.
Prayer Request:
That you may feel and see and hear and all around truly experience the effect of His hand and Holy Spirit influencing your life, and the lives of those around you. That you might have the courage to give your life up to His plan, and feel safe and cared for even when the world around you might not give that impression.
I pray for those who have found Him, and need His guidance and love.
I pray for those who are searching, whether they be near or far from Him.
I pray for those who aren't searching, but still need Him.
I pray for you.
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