hello, my name is!

Over my last few months working at Macy's I carried with me a tiny little notebook in which I had begun pre-writing blog posts out, so that I could come home from an unfulfilling day of big-company-retailing, type it up on my computer, and hit post. I wrote many things within this little notebook. Most of them ended up being sad, slightly depressed ramblings about how unfullfilling my days were. They became slightly more depressing with each new entry, and needless to say I never posted any of them. Once I'd written them, I didn't feel the need to. After all, who would want to read something that miserable anyway?

I'm feeling much better now!

I'm feeling very blessed, and very much at peace with my current work situation - that is, working as the Assistant Manager at a little indie book store with a small crew of peeps that all care for one another and treat each other like human beings, instead of a number clocked into a computer system. I still have a hard time picturing myself holding any job title with the word "manager" in it; I just never imagined myself in such a role. I've settled into the new job, and with each day that goes by I feel just a wee bit closer to actually feeling like an assistant manger -- you know...in my eyes. It was a big step for me, but I truly feel like it's where God wants me to be - why else would things have worked out this way?

Every so often I still get nervous. It's just the way my brain works. I can be confidant, and strong, and able. I can also be incredibly meek and shy, and it's this aspect that sneaks up sometimes while I'm driving home on the highway (Me! Driving! On a highway!). I'll think about where I am, job-wise, and suddenly my heart will begin to flutter up from my stomach and into my throat. A bit of adrenaline pumps into my veins and the world comes into focus just a bit more sharply. It feels like standing on the edge of a cliff with the wind blowing up, fiercely into my face and it's all that keeps me from slipping over the edge. Then I remember that I have these wings, and if I could open them then the ground wouldn't seem so far away. So I open them, just a little, and the wind keeps buffeting me and holding me up, and each and every day I can open them just a little bit more. My heart is already fluttering; it's ready to soar even if I'm not. And flying is, after all, just learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

This ramble turned out a bit longer than I intended! I just wanted to post something on here, just to get myself that much closer to doing it (maybe, almost) every day again.

Like I said up there, I feel blessed right now. I feel like I am truly on the path that He has set forth for me. It took awhile to get to where I am, it look a lot of patience, and a lot of trust in God that something good was at the end of all that time put in at Macy's, but here I am. It's hard work! But it's good, and right, and it feels just a bit like home.

AND I have a song stuck in my head from a radio station that I juuuust barely get on my radio towards the end of my commute.

"I am no longer defined
by all the wreckage behind.
The One who makes all things new
has proven it's true.
Just take a look at my life!

HELLO MY NAME IS
Child of the One True King.
I've been saved, I've been changed
and I have been set free!
'Amazing Grace,' is the song I sing.

Hello! My name is
CHILD of the One True King!"



Prayer Request: Nothing specific; that you, and all those cared for by you, find the path that God intends for you. And then, when the path is found, that you may have the COURAGE to follow it!
It's a bit of a fright -- but it's OK.

HE's there to walk it with you.